Culture Night: Our Style

Tonight, we vowed that this would be the best night EVER. Did we fail? Absolutely...NOT. We went to a super ghetto German restaurant in Seaside, then went off to Spanish Bay, where we were hit on by a band of middle aged men from Mexico. We have some great tips for you guys! When in the face of chaos, STAY STRONG.

Ella Mentry and I had high hopes for this evening, and as mentioned above, we were certainly not disappointed. The night's festivities begin with us meeting up with two good friends at this mildly frightening looking restaurant. Having never dined "German style" before, Ella Mentry and myself chose to share the Housse Platte, which basically consisted of samples of various German cuisine. Some were good, some...you get the picture. To give you an accurate portrayal of our dinner experience: we were scolded for not cleaning our plates, and my WATER cost me $4. Is that even legal, I ask you??
Next my friends, we thought we would be able to meet Jay Leno perhaps relaxing by the fire pits in Pebble Beach... instead I meet "Juan" (an alias for sure) and company, who claimed to be my future husband. Did I mention he was 42 and had the biggest nose I've seen in a while? Not to mention the fact that he accused us of being lesbian twins. He thought his wildest dreams came true! Sadly for him, he was set straight by me. Luckily our supreme social skills allowed us to gracefully (gracefully is used loosely in this sentence) exit the situation. In all seriousness, had we been more stupid, we could have been kidnapped and transported to Mexico by morning.

[Wrightless Smalls]

I am pretty positive this could be the funniest post yet. So, Wrightless and I go to meet our friends Kelly and Lisa(names have been changed to protect our buddies) at this Seaside German Restaurant-sounds sketch already right? We get there before our friends, so we walk into what appears to be a miniature Germany on the corner, and bottom, of a laundromat/ apartment building. A short, blatantly German(accent included), man approaches us and says "You have reservation?" We respond with "No." He rebuttals "Oh, girls I'm sorry all our tables are full! You make reservations next time." We proceeded to leave, shocked that this place could possibly be full. As we step out, we run into our friends and begin to discuss where the heck we should go in the ghetto parking lot. No later than 10 minutes, the short German man bursts from the restaurant and yells "Oh girls! I have table for you! Someone cancelled." Again, we are shocked. We sit down, and he tells me that he thinks I've been there before. I haven't. Wrightless and I split the "Hausplate" which has EVERYTHING German on it. We eat, and soon discover that the owners are very persuasive. They won't let us have desert until we've eaten everything, then we are forced to eat "black forest cake." The wife/chef/owner comes to take our plates and says that this cherry we left over must be eaten. I ate it: worst decision ever- SO GROSS.

Anyway, then we decided to go to Spanish Bay in the hope of meeting Jay Leno. Instead, we got a group of well off, very drunk, middle aged Mexican men hitting on us and trying to buy us drinks. Juan was outrageous and nearly followed us to our car. Paco kept trying to buy us stuff. Also, one of them in a pink shirt gave me a Spanish lesson. Needless to say, there was a lot of space invading, leg touching , and alcohol breath; AND NO JAY LENO. Oh well, at least tonight was hilarious.

So ladies, if you're in a bind. Don't drink. Don't let drunk men convince you they can drive you places. Say you have rich powerful fiances named James and Tom.
~Ella Mentry~

P.S. Don't let German people convince you to buy dessert and eat disgusting cherries.

Cookies: Friend or Foe?

Sup Readers,

As summer winds down and it becomes "back to school season", mothers tend to do an extraordinary amount of baking. While we all look forward to coming home to a plate of warm, fresh cookies, do they not come back to bite you in the ass (and hips..and stomach) later? Stay strong - resist that third or fourth cookie, friends.

Damn cookies!! Not once can I just take one, savor it, and wait until tomorrow to eat another. NO sir! Throughout

the day I find reasons to snack on them, like "this double chocolate chip cookie would be exquisite with my morning

coffee", or "dessert after lunch? Why not!?".

I find myself eating them with glee and then promptly feeling hateful towards myself. And have you ever noticed

that the BAKER of the cookies (usually the mother figure in these parts) is never the one tossing them back like they're

popcorn? I mean really, you'd think that by the time one was of the ripe Sophomore in college age that I have come to,

I would have learned to control my cookie fetish. Alas.... not yet.

[Wrightless Smalls]

Cookie monster. Didn't he have the life? I think we all have an

inner cookie monster. He comes out, takes over our bodies, and eats

unbelievable amounts of cookies. He's happy; then, he leaves, satisfied,

and you are the one who feels like a huge blue monster. Cookies are friends

in moderation and foes in excess.

And now I will close with a famous quote:

"C is for cookie. That's good enough for me."

-The Cookie Monster

~Ella Mentry~

Yachts and Jets. Boats and Hoes.

We really like Step Brothers as you guys know; so, we thought we'd incorporate their snazzy song into today's entry title. Wrightless Smalls would love to have a yacht when she's filthy rich, and Ella Mentry would like a Gulf Stream Jet. What type of luxury transportation will y'all select when you're really rich?! We know you will be; after all, you are smart enough to be reading our blog! You're gonna make money somehow!

Stay Strong, Boats and Hoes!

I knew that I was destined to one day own an obscenely large yacht the moment I laid eyes on the second largest yacht

the world floating in the harbor where I live. Folks, the thing was BY FAR larger than the average American home. Did I mention

that it had a helicopter landing pad, as well and a mini driving range?

Obviously I have no use for a driving range on my future yacht (golf is terribly boring in my eyes), but a small landing

pad would be quite convenient considering Ella Mentry's choice in owning a private luxury jet. When asked what form of

wealthy transportation I would one day acquire, I decided upon a floating paradise because you can virtually do anything

you want with a boat. I would of course have a swimming pool on the upper deck as well as a highly trained staff to

conform to my every whim. I'd be lulled to sleep by the rocking of the ocean and woken up by the smell of my own

Starbucks coffee roasting. What a luxurious way to go from vacation home to vacation home!

Keep reading our blog, Readers, and you too will be able to afford such glorious accommodations for yourselves.

[Wrightless Smalls]

The Gulf Stream Jet. Light of my Life. I will fly high. No lie. You know it. My

luxury jet will be awesome. I'm hoping it will fit around 13 people. The minute I

purchase it, I will round up my fam and fly them to Greece, spend 5 days with them there,

then I will pick up my 6 best buddies and fly to New Zealand! Isn't that the life?! I can

hardly wait! I'm hoping that Warren Buffet will be my homie at this point and I can invest

in his Jet company. It's only a matter of time until I am cruising amongst the clouds. Also,

there WILL be a big screen TV and leather chairs in the jet. Peace Out.

~Ella Mentry~

Grease = False Expectations about Highschool

Did you think John Travolta and Olivia Newton John were going to be at your highschool? Surely not, you looney tune! However, this dynamic duo might have lead you to believe that your highschool experience might be a little more like Old Rydell if you get our drift. In the following entry we are going to reveal what false expectations Grease gave us regarding highschool. We're sure you'll agree.
Stay Strong.

Folks, I'm not sure if you grew up watching the fantastic classic film Grease like I did, but let me tell you, I sure thought my teenage experience would be something other than what it was. I mean, first of all... how disappointing that lunch time did not consist of school-wide sing-a-longs. I love nothing more than a good, snappy show tune with my pals! High school dances also sucked. There was no hand jiving, no school-wide dance competitions, no live band. On the last day of school, much to my dismay, no carnival materialized, no harmony was sang, and no one threw up all their papers in glee. I always wanted to, but it just would not have been the same had I been alone.

But most of all, there was no John Travolta at my humble school, waiting in his tight white apparel, willing to woo me at the drive in movie with a beautiful song.

I must admit though, I still haven't given up hope that I will one day ride into the clouds in a hot rod sitting next to a 20 year old John Travolta look alike...

[Wrightless Smalls]

I got chiiiilllsss they're multiplyinnnggg and I'm looooosssiiinnggg connttroooooll! 'Cause the power you're supplying! It's ELECTRIFYING!

Man oh man was I disappointed that "John Travolta-like" studs weren't sweeping my off my feet the moment I stepped onto my high school campus. Let's be blunt. In what other high school, than Rydell high, are all the students attractive and in their musical talent peak age of the early 20's? None you say? I didn't think so! Also, Rizzo. Enough said right? She gets pregnant, Kenickie(ya crazy name- who names their kid that?!) ditches her basically, and then it's a false alarm in the end and they're stoked and suckin face like nothing happened(sorry about the run-on sentence). One message rings true from this musical: "Beauty school drop out, go back to high school."

In conclusion:

Unless a young hip John Travolta bursts in to my door at this very moment, singing Summer Lovin, and I magically know the very complicated moves to a choreographed dance, I will never be satisfied due to the lack of similarity between my life and Grease.I guess I realize the young John Travolta can't burst into my room without the assistance of time travel, so don't worry I'll settle with a very close look alike.

~Ella Mentry~

[On a side note, if Kenickie and Rizzo had spawned a child, what the heck do you think they would have named it?! Rizickie? Kenizzo? Sadly, the world will never know.]

Success Today, Flap Jacks tomorrow!

Julia Child. Barefoot Contessa. Paula Dean. Super Chef Bobby Flay. Wrightless Smalls and Ella Mentry.

Of course, these are the great names in cooking, us included. Personally, we love Paula Dean y'all, and we can't get enough of super chef Bobby Flay. Today we cooked boeuf bourgiugnon. The whole event was both traumatizing and rewarding. So, now, as we sit waiting for some B-E-A- UTIFUL blueberry pie...we think, therefore we blog.

Today was one of those stereotypical "best friend days". I got a text message this morning from Ella Mentry requesting a can of tomato paste, and from there it was all a whirlwind. We chopped, browned, simmered, and stirred for about three hours. The most difficult part by far was browning the meat... we have certainly not perfected the art of avoiding scalding steam from attacking your arm. But who better to enjoy such trivial experiences with than your best pal of nearly 15 years?

All in all, a success, though. We even found the time to relax and eat some cheese and crackers this afternoon, and do the two step to Brooks & Dunn's song "Indian Summer". All in all, our Julia Child experience was a success, and tomorrow we shall make a feast of pancakes.... now it sounds like all we do is eat! That is SEMI untrue, although I am impatiently awaiting some blueberry pie.

Eat, drink, and be merry!!

[Wrightless Smalls]

My little sisters are singing "La La" by Ashley Simpson. Weird sing along in my opinion. We just finished eating our boeuf, and now we retreat to the shelter of the couch and await the apple cider that is surely to be delicious. Anyway, when one cooks boeuf bourguignon, one has to brown the beef. You just have to make sure the beef doesn't brown you! I mean jeez louise, you have to flip over the little bastards so fast and all the while the grease and oil launches an attack upon your unprotected arm. C'est imposible!

Now my sisters are singing Soul Survivor by Akon, "have you ever been hated or discriminated" and now on to "My Band" by Eminem. We are all girls in aprons reading and blogging and singing vulgar rap lyrics. Life is gooooood.

~Ella Mentry~

HELLLLOOOO! We're BACK!

BON APPETIT!

We are back and stronger than ever! Who you may ask? Wrightless Smalls and Ella Mentry (we have new pen names- and we think they are WAY better). We just saw Julie and Julia at our local cinema, and we have decided that, in order to launch into our future of undoubtable fame and fortune, we must STAY STRONG with our blog. SO. Fasten your seat belts, get a soft drink(or water- probs more healthy), and enjoy the ride. We sure as hell will. We love you guys and we promise never to abandon you again.

Love Always,

Wrightless Smalls and Ella Mentry

My greatest apologies regarding the heartless abandonment of our blog... I had high hopes for our documentation of our summer adventures, but alas, time got away from us. HOWEVER, today is a new beginning. As long as we are being true to our crazy selves (which we will, DUH), this blog can be nothing but exceptional.

And by the way... just so you know, our viewing of Julie and Julia has inspired us to make "beef bourguignon", or 'boof bourguignon' as Julie said it (totally annoying I might add) tomorrow. Should be QUITE interesting. The damn thing takes like three hours... it's a wonder you don't starve to death while you wait for it to cook. We shall let you know how it turns out!

Glad to be back.

[Wrightless Smalls]

A blog. Blogging. What is it? What does it mean? What will it yield? I know what you're saying, "Cut the philosophical crap, Ella Mentry." Okay, okay I got you. I must, however, divulge my thoughts about this to you before we get to the good stuff. I want to share with you all an insight into my life, which is both eventful, and uneventful. Life, for all, I believe, is simultaneously tragic and wonderful, boring and stimulating, and, finally just crazy. As Wrightless Smalls and I grow, I hope you will grow with us, learn with us, and share your thoughts with us. We have big dreams and a lot of time to make them come true. SO DO YOU! I suggest you jump on our bandwagon. We're not on the Oregon Trail or anything, so it's safe to say you won't drown while attempting to forge the river or be left in the wild with pounds of rotted buffalo meat that you forgot to salt. We'll just laugh together as we hear about the "Vida Loca"-thanks Ricky Martin.

All right enough of the sentimental *&$#@; rest up, cause tomorrow it begins.

~Ella Mentry~

20$ fo Nothing

Dear Readers,

Sorry. 

Our bad.

B-Money was roaming in the woods for a week while G-Rizz took finals, so we were unable to fill your brains with our extensive knowledge. Thank you for staying strong; we will make it up to you. 

xoxo, G-Rizz and B-Money

G-Rizz

So last night was the dumbest of summer nights. Two open houses, meaning two great partying opportunities, and what do we get? NOTHIN.

I spent twenty dollars on an eighteen pack, only to have it snatched before my very eyes. Talk about stupid. What's the point of having an open house if no fun can occur?? 

Luckily for us, the week is only beginning. Stay tuned for ridiculous posts.

Oh, and my quest for a job is failing. Meaning pretty soon I won't even have twenty bucks to waste on Bud Light. Damn these rough economic times.

SHUT UP AND LISTEN

[g-rizz]

B$,

      Top o' the morning to ya! I've missed you guys! Pain in me hole ahahahha I just love saying that little irish saying from PS I love you(great film; go see it). Anyways! We were going to have an exciting night and then we didn't because the drinkys got commandeered by a spinster.  Oh welllllll... this week is going to be awesome. we love you guys! Aight. Peace out alfalfa sprouts!

    {B$}

Post Script:

    Gerard Butler is mighty fine.

Horatio!

Dear Readers,

            

      Personally, we watch a good amount of CSI Miami, and we LOVE Horatio! He is so suave and mysterious! Horatio gives us amazing advice every show; for example: "600,000 dollars is a lot of money," and "You can't breathe... when you're dead." Horatio is hilarious and we love him. Now we will each give him a tribute. We have mad love for you Horatio, and stay strong readers!

          xoxo,

               G-rizz and B-money

G-Rizz

Horatio is very "real." I personally enjoy the way he whips off his sunglasses very briskly as his fluff of hair on the top of this head flutters about in the breeze, and says something simple and wise such as "When you have everything, sometimes it feels like nothing." , or "The problem with manipulation is that people can turn on you." 

He always solves the crime of the episode with grace, speed and daring, somehow managing to keep his suit looking crisp, and his complexion smooth. If I ever have a burning life-question, I will definitely seek out my man Horatio. He will look at my shoes and tell me just what I need to hear. 

Who doesn't just love that?

SHUT UP AND LISTEN

[g-rizz]

B$

    Horatio is my man! He is so wise. He never looks anyone in the eye when he's talking to them, and he has those snazzy sunglasses. Plus, he drives a hummer. What more could you want in a man?! Hats off to you Horatio! Hats off to you!

   With the utmost respect and admiration,

                {B$}

Poemz.

Dear Readers,

          Today we are going to both write 2 original poems and release them to you! Congrats you lucky readers! Stay Strong.

         xoxo,

             G-Rizz and B-Money

G-Rizz

           FINALS

How did I do on my test?

If I didn't get an A then that would be mess't

I studied a lot, 

and somehow forgot

That water cannot be substituted with caffeine. 

Finals are oh so mean!

SHUT UP AND LISTEN

[g-rizz]

B$

                      Oscar The Grouch

     Oscar the Grouch sat alone on my couch

     and griped 'til the end of the day

     he caused me disdain and he drove me insane

     and for some reason I didn't send him away.

  {B$}

     

        

    

Hannah Montana

Dear Readers,

     Today we bring to light a very important subject in todays world, it is none other than...HANNAH MONTANA! Do you like her? Do we like her? Is she human?

   Read on and stay strong!

        xoxo,

            G-Rizz and B-Money

G-Rizz

Maybe I am being overly rude about Hannah Montana because I am in rotten spirits at the moment, but I can't stand the bitch. I am tired of seeing her blonde hair all over, and her annoying lyrics make me want to pierce my tympanic membranes. My bad, my ear drums for all you non-scientific folks out there.

She is right up there on my Hate Scale with High School Musical. I think what annoys me the most about such fads is that there is 1) little talent involved, and 2) high school and college girls are falling into a trap that is means for "tweens". Come on!! The only musical watching once you are past the age of 12 is Grease. 

I know I am harsh, but I can't help it. Miley Cyrus and Billy Ray are very annoying to me. Her voice sucks, and she is a slut-bag for dating someone in his twenties. And don't even get me STARTED about her "Oops I seemed to misplace all my clothing except this bed sheet" photo shoot.

 Talk about non-judgmental, right? 

SHUT UP AND LISTEN

[g-rizz}

B$

  I am simply torn. I mean Hannah Montana; the name itself is soooo annoying! Yet, at times, I find The Climb stuck in my head. Also, can I just say that the Vanity Fair photos were gross. She was like 14 and wrapped in a sheet. She looked like she'd just got up from a one night stand. Weird! However, regardless of what I think, or what anyone thinks, she is laughing her way to the bank with a silly name. I think Hannah Montana and Miley are both ridiculous names,but at the end of the day she is still an incredibly rich celebrity and I am still B-money. 

    Peace Out Alfalfa Sprouts!

   {B$}